Yo dont text me then not text me
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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