Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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