Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
