I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
