its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
