ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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