Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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