I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
