Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Randomize
