I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
