nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
