I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
