So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
