Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's the barista slut.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
