she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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