I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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