Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
