i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
