In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
