just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
