i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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