Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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