I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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