I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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