The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
