I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
