once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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