Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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