So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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