am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
