I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
