david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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