hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Gay?
German.
Pity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
