She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
