Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
