So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
