That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
