It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
