Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
