I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
