Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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