Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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