my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
