I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
