somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
