I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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