Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
