I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Rumble strips road head = magical
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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