did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
