Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
