dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
