i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
