Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
