when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
