Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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