Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
