i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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