I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
