Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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