I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
