I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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