shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
