I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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