dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
