yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize