Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
