32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
