Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
