They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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